Respect....

Living in the 21^st century can be a hassle at times. Gone are the days of being approached by men in clubs instead women are harassed by other women. It is never appropriate for a man to spank my ass in public, thinking that I will be respond in a positive way. How much more damage is it when it is done by a woman? Being a lesbian does not permit you to do as you please when you are attracted to a certain girl.

I recently went out clubbing with a friend of mine and her butt chick was squeezed by this unusually looking guy. In shock we found out it is a woman.  My friend Sisanda confronted her and in denial all she could say, “I’m also a female why would I do that?” 

I am sure being part of a minority group sometimes is not nice but when we are in public, are we going to be scared and suspicious of every walking being around us? I certainly do not judge or discriminate against homosexuals whether you are gay, lesbian or bisexual but people in general should not feel uncomfortable when they around homosexuals. This kind of disrespect can promote more levels of hate crimes against homosexuals and we do not want that. There should be equal respect amongst people whether straight or homosexual so that we can all live in harmony.

YOUR VOTE, YOUR RIGHT!

Today 18^th May I participated in the municipal elections, the last time I voted was in 2009. After the results of 2009 came out, I thought to myself why on earth was I interested in politics. One of the questions the youth of South Africa individually ask themselves, till I listened to Zwelindzima Vavia last night. I learnt and appreciated that voting is a right, a right that many of our ancestors, fallen heroes fought for. They fought in the struggle of apartheid so that young women like me and you can be able to queue one day in a room full of white and black people waiting to exercise our rights as South African citizens. This year South Africa will be celebrating the 55^th anniversary of the women’s anti pass laws to the Union buildings in Pretoria. There were 20 000 women who marched to the union buildings, protesting against legislation control over black women in urban areas. They challenged the idea that a women’s place is in the kitchen instead of elsewhere. Today black women are successful business women; today we are students in highly recommended institutions. I quote Vavi, “Today women do not have to write letters to their husbands in the mines and say, Tata kabana siyalamba ekhaya. Those days are gone.”   Who knows, what would have happened if those women did not stand for their rights?  Helen Joseph, Lilian Ngoyi, Rahima Moosa, Ruth First among many other women went to the union buildings carrying babies on their backs, some were in fear and some were not just taking a stand for themselves but for you and me. This march did not just make a difference in South Africa but Im sure in other countries that discriminated against women. We today’s generation should be happy we live in a liberated South Africa. Free to vote, free to have an education, free to just swim in a beach, free from so many boundaries that were present in the apartheid era. Voting can be considered as a thank you to all those who died, struggled and were tortured.  The youth of today is too comfortable because they have never felt the pain and suffering. Thank you to those who voted and showed a sign of appreciation.

The change can only start with us or things will never be right...............



COVERED........

Being beautiful is defined as being attractive or pleasing. Being sexy is defined as attractive and exciting. The difference is just the two words pleasing and exciting. Women generally tend to translate the “exiting” to “nudeness” or “half naked”. Cover it ladies. Trying too hard to be beautiful can be one of the biggest mistakes one could make. I for one get excited by seeing natural beauty in a person meaning he or she is sexy. The society that we live in is obsessed with, plastic surgery, Botox, Brazilians butts, and the strands of cotton that celebrities wear. All around the world women are always trying to find the best diet or method to keep them looking younger, current and acceptable to society. Forgetting it is just not the  looks that attracts but personality, the way one carries herself and most of the time just being natural, being you, no additions and no subtractions.

It certainly does not take hanging out body parts to define sexiness. It is not the shortest skirt; the hanging cleavage etc. be covered and be beautiful. Sexiness is elegance, it can be silent and attractive, and being beautiful is enhancing your outer appearance and your mind. They say beauty lies within the eyes of the beholder. I say, when you feel good inside about yourself, you do not need approval from someone else. Am not saying people should not look after themselves. Yes, go to the gym, put your make up on but also believe that you are beautiful because a woman who appreciates herself is attractive. Be covered be beautiful.

The change can only start with us or things will never be right...............

.............Her

I sometimes imagine in my mind the facial expression my mother had the first time she saw me. Her face must have been filled with joy, excitement and fulfilment. It must have been one of the happiest days of her life. From day one mothers protect their children, they mould and nature their child to become the best they can be in life. Taking the example of hen, hens lay their eggs and protect them by sitting on top of them. This keeps the eggs warm till they hatch and protects the eggs from predators like snakes. When the eggs hatch the mother still takes good care of its little chicks and the hen makes sure nothing harms the little birds. This is a demonstration of a mother’s love and the bond one has with his/her mother. In IsiXhosa this is called “inimba”.  

I don’t know what I would do If I would lose my mother. I remember the first time I rode a mountain bike, it was my brother, I slipped on the bikes stool and the bicycles wheel scared my thigh. Now there was one person I could run and cry to “Mama”. I was still ten at the time, today so many things still scar me and I run to that same old mama.  It does not take much celebrating and cherishing the relationship you have with your mother. We should not only think about it on mother’s day but we 364 other days to do it. Celebrate your mother while you still young, while you both still alive, showing her how you love and appreciate her. Life strikes each and every person at some point in their lives but never alerts you when it comes.

Thank you God for blessing with a beautiful mother........ Sikelelwa Wababa-Putini

PERFECT CUT......

Full rounded, hourglass, inverted triangle, rectangular, and diamond shaped we all have our different body shapes and sizes. Weather your are gifted with round hips, an hourglass figure or a butt that would fit the description of Sarah Batman or a broad and flat one like mine. There will always be the perfect jean cut for you.

One of the most important steps to achieving your personal style is to wear clothes that actually fit your body. Step number two would be appreciating your body and knowing how to dress your body shape. It is very important to identify the type of fabrics that complement your body and the type of items that will suit your shape. Going for new trends is not the best thing to do at all time but going for something you could in five years to come. The idea is to always balance and be in proportion.

Some of the greatest designs in the world might not be for our African bodies but there is one thing you can never go wrong with, “A good pair of jean”. I personally believe denim is one of the best creations of the 18^th century. A good pair of jeans can give you that balance and it does cover cellulite. Remember it’s your shape and not your size. If ladies out there made a little effort when shopping to look for the perfect cut maybe there would be fewer women in taxis with “cracks” sticking out.

The change can only start with us or things will never be right...............

It’s ok to be alone.....

Sometimes it feels like Im in this alone “life” that is. Sometimes I cry myself to sleep and I search for the reason I cried the following morning, it never appears. Sometimes I indulge in junk food downing it with coke afterwards, with my headphones in my ears, listening to “How does it feel by D’angelo”. I watch myself and can actually see Im panicking, always with the fear of not having something to do, someone to talk to or a place to go. When I find myself not part of my peers or their activities I get bored and restless, feeling as though my self esteem has taken a hit. I become unhappy for no apparent reason.

When the week riches Wednesday I start planning the weekend ahead in my mind, I simply ask myself why God created hormones, emotion, and feeling.  Couldn’t he have spared some of us from the pain and just the thought of knowing you don’t have a life besides school or work?  What I and we all need to establish is the difference of being alone and being lonely.

I doubt there is any young person who wants to grow old and be a considered as a “grandparent” but we young people forget one thing. We are the lonely ones more than old people. We tend to think that without our peers there is no other life. Yes we are human and yes humans are social animals but one can always find happiness outside society. As long as you don’t try too hard or focus too much on one activity. It can be good thing to be alone but not good to be lonely. Where do you stand, are you alone or lonely?

Quote:

“We're born alone, we live alone, we die alone. Only through our love and friendship can we create the illusion for the moment that we're not alone”. - Orson Welles

Negligence Puts Lives at Risk…………

After several allegations surrounding the Nelson Mandela Bay Health system, the Health Department has not pulled up its socks. The Bay’s Health system has been accused of preventable deaths, Communities being left in the lurch by under resourced.

 A fourth year Nursing Student who remains to be anonymous, who had practised in three of the Public Hospitals, Dora Nginza, Livingston and Provincial. The fourth year student revealed the carelessness of the department of health. She emphasised on how it is difficult to work especially during the evening shift which is from four to seven o’clock in the morning because of the shortage of staff.

 She pointed out the high shortage of essential equipment like linen which is supposed to be changed twice a day. “The treatment of the patients differs from hospital to hospital, not all of the Public Hospitals can account for the negligence of one hospital”, she says.  Salaries don’t seem to be enough for the amount of work they do but the Department insisted on a 63% of their budget goes to salaries. Question is which salaries are these because there are not enough workers. Vuyokazi Sifatyi mother of Sipho Sifatyi age ten accompanied her son to do an eye test at the eye clinic at Provincial. Sifatyi was pleased with the service she received at the clinic even it was very slow. Sifatyi remarked on the unnecessary time spent at the hospital, “I woke up in the early hour of this morning and arrived here at the clinic at about 7am. I only received proper service only a full three hours after my arrival”, she says. Ms Sifatyi was not the only patient who complained about the time arrangement for the clinics at Provincial Hospital.

 A couple of pregnant women who remain to be anonymous say they are expected to arrive at the clinic at 7am sharp in the morning, anyone who arrives a minute later is turned back to go home. Patients are being turned away but you will find by two o’clock in the afternoon there is no staff left at the clinic.

This kind of behaviour is a total inconvenience for the community of Port Elizabeth. Questions come up in residents minds what if someone is in labour during the afternoon and there is no staff to assist. This shows the irresponsibility of Nelson Mandela Bay Public Hospitals, the negligence of the staff is putting many lives at risk.

The change can only start with us or things will never be right...............

SHARING A HUBBY...............

Growing up as a little girl I always dreamt of getting married to my “prince charming”.  An imaginary guy who is tall, with brackets and has pink lips. Don’t we all? As I grew from being a little girl to a woman the interest in marriage just grew out of me. I started appreciating men for something more than just their looks.

 In our African society marriage is considered be sacred. It is a unity that brings not just two people together but rather two families together. Women become attracted to men for different reasons, wealth, and intelligence, character their ability to take care of a women, you can name them all. That same guy I personally want for myself only, especially if we talking about marriage.

 One thing I could never understand about our African marriages is “POLYGAMY”. Yes, maybe it would be better to know that my husband is with his second wife next door other than some girlfriend he met at work, for me nothing justifies it. Maybe it was really ok for women in previous generations. This is a different generation and could never understand “Isithembu” (Polygamous marriage).

I really wonder at times what women want from a relationship, the Armani perfume they get for valentine, the min cooper’s between the birthday and Christmas or is it the mansion in Santon that makes women settle for less.  Maybe some of us want to be just like Khanyi Mbawu, eating their croissant and blue cheese for breakfast.

It just irritates me to know that one person is getting the better of two worlds at the same time; even our President Jacob Zuma is getting the best of five. It just doesn’t make sense to me, why can’t I sleep in the same bed with my husband and enjoy our life together rather than sharing that life with another woman. I am actually tired of the excuse that men have, “It’s in our nature to have more than one partner”. I mean you are one person, why can’t you share your life with one person.  

As much as polygamy is part of our African culture, I certainly disagree with it. I could never bare it at all because it is not the number of women a man has that we can identify his wealth and success.  The President himself is not setting a good example when it comes to gender equality and the transmission of infections may entail. Now where does one man have the strength to love five different women? He certainly cannot love all of them completely the same way. Just the thought of being second, third, fourth or fifth is not understandable. It would be interesting to hear what young men think of polygamy.

At the end of the day the women I am talking about here are educated women and are capable of taking care of their own expenses. Sometimes I truly think people would do just about anything for status and power. And when you reflect back on life it was just not worth it.

                                                                                   

Mixed Tape………

Mixed Tape………

Almost everywhere we go these days we encounter a mixed race couple. This is usually among young couples: at grocery stores, church, malls even here at varsity. And while for many years a black and white couple would have been rare because oppression or apartheid era.

Gone are the day’s apartheid yet some of our “black sisters” feel so threatened and betrayed when they see a “black brother” with white woman. Instead embracing the beauty of our rainbow nation, black women believe white women are with black men because of their sexual ability or he is with her because she represents the “forbidden fruits”. Ha-ha…… just had to lough for a moment, what forbidden fruit is this? In the eyes of God we are the same and no race or sexuality holds a higher position than the other.

It is also the same black women who don’t question their fellow sisters in dating white man for all the wrong reasons. The “sisters” come up with so many excuses that white man are loving, mature and can afford the type of life style they want to maintain and most black men are lazy and can’t keep jobs. These are such big accusations to generalize all black men under. Who said black men do not love? They say they find it difficult to meet black men on their social and income level. Dating outside ones culture is definitely difficult, and it’s much safer to date in your own cultural or social group. Let us just say I love me some” brown sugar”, it’s just a preference.

People who tend to fall in love outside their culture are sometime rejected by their family and friends. As much the couple will be happily in love studies from the University of Pennsylvania that says, “While interracial relationships are on the rise, they are significantly less likely than same-race relationships to lead to marriage. Researchers have long believed that preferences for contact outside a person’s race become more restrictive as relationships become more intimate”.

This is particularly true of marriage, which requires a public acknowledgment of the partnership, a lifelong commitment, and pooling of social groups, the report found…“There’s been a definite shift in society where dating is a more recreational activity, whereas it used to be a function of finding a marriage partner,” Albers said. That shift has loosened up the social restrictions and allowed people to date people outside their race they may have no intention of marrying, she said. Now what would be the use of dating someone while I would not have any intension of marrying them? It is a complete waste of time and energy for both parties involved.

These studies are not 100% correct there are other people who prefer dating outside their race with the intension of getting married. Some have successful marriages but meet up with problems when their children are questioned about their black and white parents. It is a challenge for the most of us, to look beyond the stereotypes surrounding interracial relationships. Now that is an obstacle we all need to get over, accepting people for who they are and accept the people they want to spend the rest of their lives with.

The change can only start with us or things will never be right...............

PLAYING IT SAFE........

 PLAYING IT SAFE........

Has it ever occurred to you how many single mothers are in South Africa? Single parenthood arises because of divorce, death, separation of partners or teenage pregnancy. Apart from the HIV/AIDS pandemic in South Africa and Africa as a whole is suffering from a high rate of teenage pregnancy. Women single parents have always held the responsibility of care giving and child-rearing at a very young age because of poverty.

According to Single Parent centre, “Reports from the state of South Africa’s population (2000) show an unmet need for contraception among teenagers and women living in the rural areas thus a very high teenage pregnancy turnout.” Personally, I believe the rate of teenage pregnancy and single parenting has risen in urban areas as well.  Women in urban areas have access to so many facilities which are of good use to them. Clinics, hospitals, pharmacies, mobile clinics are there reasons such as getting hold of contraceptives, condoms and learn more about HIV/AIDS.

By not educating ourselves with the things that affect our lives on a daily bases we are setting a trend for the younger generations of not caring. This is not just directed to the ladies but the men who are in our lives which we suppose to share an equal responsibility.

A number of children grow without the support and guidance of their fathers. Now this normally affects children negatively or positively. Children with negative breakouts result into drugs, the girls get attention from older men and some girls go through relationship after relationship just to secure the feeling of being loved. Yet again so many successful young stars come from single parents.

I simply sometimes consider being poor a blessing, just imagine if we all got what we wanted when we wanted, how the world would be. It would surely be some depressing planet now wouldn’t it? This is the neither same reason why Im pleading the women of Africa to be cautious of their actions if not, the rate of teenage pregnancy will never be reduced nor HIV/AIDS. We have the knowledge let each individual start applying it in their lives.

 The change can only start with us or things will never be right...............

 I’ve always wondered what the opposite sex really thinks about women.  How do men define a woman in this present day? Is she just an adult female human or is she defined by her state of being? Are some men still stuck in the stone ages and still expect to be house wives catering to their every need?   Do you define the average ten year old girl, who only reached puberty yesterday a woman? Do I have to be married with three kids and a Masters Degree to be called a woman? Is my womanhood defined by the number of sexual partners I’ve had? Do our minds think alike? Is it my religion, your culture, our education and men that come between the unities of women the reason why we are called women? We women are simply unique individuals and most of the time would like to be taken a bit seriously.

 My name is Buchule Putini and this is a blog all about the inner thoughts of an African woman. The hardships we deal with in our daily lives and how we can progress further in life. Every week I will personally post articles which will uplift the spirits of our sisters out there and hopefully they will relate to. To the guys don’t worry once in a while I will try to cater for as well......