SHARING A HUBBY...............

Growing up as a little girl I always dreamt of getting married to my “prince charming”.  An imaginary guy who is tall, with brackets and has pink lips. Don’t we all? As I grew from being a little girl to a woman the interest in marriage just grew out of me. I started appreciating men for something more than just their looks.

 In our African society marriage is considered be sacred. It is a unity that brings not just two people together but rather two families together. Women become attracted to men for different reasons, wealth, and intelligence, character their ability to take care of a women, you can name them all. That same guy I personally want for myself only, especially if we talking about marriage.

 One thing I could never understand about our African marriages is “POLYGAMY”. Yes, maybe it would be better to know that my husband is with his second wife next door other than some girlfriend he met at work, for me nothing justifies it. Maybe it was really ok for women in previous generations. This is a different generation and could never understand “Isithembu” (Polygamous marriage).

I really wonder at times what women want from a relationship, the Armani perfume they get for valentine, the min cooper’s between the birthday and Christmas or is it the mansion in Santon that makes women settle for less.  Maybe some of us want to be just like Khanyi Mbawu, eating their croissant and blue cheese for breakfast.

It just irritates me to know that one person is getting the better of two worlds at the same time; even our President Jacob Zuma is getting the best of five. It just doesn’t make sense to me, why can’t I sleep in the same bed with my husband and enjoy our life together rather than sharing that life with another woman. I am actually tired of the excuse that men have, “It’s in our nature to have more than one partner”. I mean you are one person, why can’t you share your life with one person.  

As much as polygamy is part of our African culture, I certainly disagree with it. I could never bare it at all because it is not the number of women a man has that we can identify his wealth and success.  The President himself is not setting a good example when it comes to gender equality and the transmission of infections may entail. Now where does one man have the strength to love five different women? He certainly cannot love all of them completely the same way. Just the thought of being second, third, fourth or fifth is not understandable. It would be interesting to hear what young men think of polygamy.

At the end of the day the women I am talking about here are educated women and are capable of taking care of their own expenses. Sometimes I truly think people would do just about anything for status and power. And when you reflect back on life it was just not worth it.

                                                                                   

Mixed Tape………

Mixed Tape………

Almost everywhere we go these days we encounter a mixed race couple. This is usually among young couples: at grocery stores, church, malls even here at varsity. And while for many years a black and white couple would have been rare because oppression or apartheid era.

Gone are the day’s apartheid yet some of our “black sisters” feel so threatened and betrayed when they see a “black brother” with white woman. Instead embracing the beauty of our rainbow nation, black women believe white women are with black men because of their sexual ability or he is with her because she represents the “forbidden fruits”. Ha-ha…… just had to lough for a moment, what forbidden fruit is this? In the eyes of God we are the same and no race or sexuality holds a higher position than the other.

It is also the same black women who don’t question their fellow sisters in dating white man for all the wrong reasons. The “sisters” come up with so many excuses that white man are loving, mature and can afford the type of life style they want to maintain and most black men are lazy and can’t keep jobs. These are such big accusations to generalize all black men under. Who said black men do not love? They say they find it difficult to meet black men on their social and income level. Dating outside ones culture is definitely difficult, and it’s much safer to date in your own cultural or social group. Let us just say I love me some” brown sugar”, it’s just a preference.

People who tend to fall in love outside their culture are sometime rejected by their family and friends. As much the couple will be happily in love studies from the University of Pennsylvania that says, “While interracial relationships are on the rise, they are significantly less likely than same-race relationships to lead to marriage. Researchers have long believed that preferences for contact outside a person’s race become more restrictive as relationships become more intimate”.

This is particularly true of marriage, which requires a public acknowledgment of the partnership, a lifelong commitment, and pooling of social groups, the report found…“There’s been a definite shift in society where dating is a more recreational activity, whereas it used to be a function of finding a marriage partner,” Albers said. That shift has loosened up the social restrictions and allowed people to date people outside their race they may have no intention of marrying, she said. Now what would be the use of dating someone while I would not have any intension of marrying them? It is a complete waste of time and energy for both parties involved.

These studies are not 100% correct there are other people who prefer dating outside their race with the intension of getting married. Some have successful marriages but meet up with problems when their children are questioned about their black and white parents. It is a challenge for the most of us, to look beyond the stereotypes surrounding interracial relationships. Now that is an obstacle we all need to get over, accepting people for who they are and accept the people they want to spend the rest of their lives with.

The change can only start with us or things will never be right...............

PLAYING IT SAFE........

 PLAYING IT SAFE........

Has it ever occurred to you how many single mothers are in South Africa? Single parenthood arises because of divorce, death, separation of partners or teenage pregnancy. Apart from the HIV/AIDS pandemic in South Africa and Africa as a whole is suffering from a high rate of teenage pregnancy. Women single parents have always held the responsibility of care giving and child-rearing at a very young age because of poverty.

According to Single Parent centre, “Reports from the state of South Africa’s population (2000) show an unmet need for contraception among teenagers and women living in the rural areas thus a very high teenage pregnancy turnout.” Personally, I believe the rate of teenage pregnancy and single parenting has risen in urban areas as well.  Women in urban areas have access to so many facilities which are of good use to them. Clinics, hospitals, pharmacies, mobile clinics are there reasons such as getting hold of contraceptives, condoms and learn more about HIV/AIDS.

By not educating ourselves with the things that affect our lives on a daily bases we are setting a trend for the younger generations of not caring. This is not just directed to the ladies but the men who are in our lives which we suppose to share an equal responsibility.

A number of children grow without the support and guidance of their fathers. Now this normally affects children negatively or positively. Children with negative breakouts result into drugs, the girls get attention from older men and some girls go through relationship after relationship just to secure the feeling of being loved. Yet again so many successful young stars come from single parents.

I simply sometimes consider being poor a blessing, just imagine if we all got what we wanted when we wanted, how the world would be. It would surely be some depressing planet now wouldn’t it? This is the neither same reason why Im pleading the women of Africa to be cautious of their actions if not, the rate of teenage pregnancy will never be reduced nor HIV/AIDS. We have the knowledge let each individual start applying it in their lives.

 The change can only start with us or things will never be right...............

 I’ve always wondered what the opposite sex really thinks about women.  How do men define a woman in this present day? Is she just an adult female human or is she defined by her state of being? Are some men still stuck in the stone ages and still expect to be house wives catering to their every need?   Do you define the average ten year old girl, who only reached puberty yesterday a woman? Do I have to be married with three kids and a Masters Degree to be called a woman? Is my womanhood defined by the number of sexual partners I’ve had? Do our minds think alike? Is it my religion, your culture, our education and men that come between the unities of women the reason why we are called women? We women are simply unique individuals and most of the time would like to be taken a bit seriously.

 My name is Buchule Putini and this is a blog all about the inner thoughts of an African woman. The hardships we deal with in our daily lives and how we can progress further in life. Every week I will personally post articles which will uplift the spirits of our sisters out there and hopefully they will relate to. To the guys don’t worry once in a while I will try to cater for as well......